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<title>don't say (that this wouldn't work) by cosmic strings (electrick)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22552309">don't say (that this wouldn't work)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrick/pseuds/cosmic%20strings'>cosmic strings (electrick)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Girls (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, picks up immediately after 6x08, what will Jessa do this time about Adam?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:34:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,294</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22552309</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrick/pseuds/cosmic%20strings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessa doesn’t want to run anymore. She doesn’t want to run from feeling like her love might suffocate her alive. From the fear that maybe, just maybe, Adam might walk away one day and not come back to her. From her half broken friendship with one of her closest and most dearest friends that she has always cherished.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jessa Johansson/Adam Sackler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>don't say (that this wouldn't work)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from don't say by hannah cohen (which was featured on girls!!)</p><p>i've seen jessa get a lot of flack and hatred, but she was never meant to be a stable, well adjusted character that makes sane decisions (for a dollar, name me one person on the show who was). here goes nothing at trying to make a HEA from the adam/jessa finale !!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She unlocks the doors and hesitates to open it, her hand hovering over the knob. The world stills and she can hear him clunkering up the stairs, and then it stops. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jessa knows he’s on the other side and her heart drops in her stomach. It’s a swoop and swoosh all at once. The realization that she might not want to see him dawns on her and she abruptly turns around, walking swiftly away from the door. She pauses in the kitchen, hidden away from the door and her breath catches in her throat as there’s a meek knock on the door. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You there?” his voice booms. She’s still holding her breath, a hand covering her neck as her head leans back against the wall. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s unlocked. Let yourself in,” she says and picks herself back up. The door creaks open and he steps inside. The air is thick with silence and tension and neither of them know what to do. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jessa, avoiding him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Adam, unable to face her.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He walks past her into the kitchen and leans against the wall across her. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is your higher power telling you to do now?” she can’t bear to look him in the eyes so she stares at his right eyebrow. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That it’s over. Whatever Hannah and I had, it’s finished,” he answers in a quiet but deep voice. A muscle below his brow twitches and Jessa knows what he’s saying is true, it’s so true his body can’t hide it. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good for you,” she says coolly, finally bringing her eyes down to face him. Open and unarmed, he calls to her. She doesn’t answer. Adam’s eyes gaze down as they follow the folds and falls of her kimono. They don’t even pause where it breaks around her bust, her breasts peeking out. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s it?” he crosses his arms against his chest, his pale flesh juxtaposed against the dark fabric of his shirt. His biceps tense up, almost as if he’s flexing them just for her. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m happy for you. Ecstatic that you’ve figured everything out. Peace and all that,” she straightens up and turns around to walk away from him. He’s here with her right now, that means she won right? Then why doesn’t it feel like a victory? Why is there a monster in her stomach that’s clawing up towards her heart? There’s an ocean inside her that’s ready to burst and she can’t face him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jessa,” he reaches out and tugs on the red satin fabric of her robe. It slips down her shoulder and her stride falters, she turns back. She doesn’t want to, but something deep inside her compels her to him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He steps forward, just one step to match her three and closes the distance she’s created, effectively pulling her back in his gravitational field. His left hand grasps her waist, where the kimono is cinched and he uses his free hand to slide the drooping satin back up to her shoulder, covering her. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I feel like I should say I’m sorry or some shit,” he begins. His hands grip her waist tighter, almost closing in on her. She pulls her head away, her heart may call to him but she knows better. Her body arches back and he pulls and pulls because that’s what Adam does. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He places his head on the crook of her neck and shoulder. His breath is hot on her skin, even through the muffled fabric. He presses his lips against it and gives a small kiss, afraid to touch her skin.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hurt you,” he murmurs. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">A break. A beat. A breath. Jessa can take his implicit apology. But that would be admitting she was vulnerable and Jessa is not. She thinks back to a moment frozen in time, Shoshanna peeking out behind the curtain as she confesses she saw Jessa and - </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m unsmotable,” she remembers. A small apartment overwhelmed in pink, an ex boyfriend, and a ferocious appetite for vindication all rush back and she closes her eyes as she tries to find the joy she felt in that moment. If you didn’t care, you can’t get hurt. She felt nothing for him, she used him and that’s what Jessa does. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?” Adam huffs and he stands back. The loss of contact, of touch reverberates through her body and driven by pure instinct, she steps towards him.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You think you’re this cool girl that can’t ever get hurt but that’s not true at all,” the words rush out of him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You love me. And I was a dick. I left to be with Hannah and she didn’t -” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Didn’t what?” her eyes slant towards him. Is he only back because Hannah didn’t want him? She’s getting served seconds?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s not like that. We’re not meant to be, you know all that sh-i-it,” he draws out the <em>shit </em>so it extends at least three syllables as he waves his hands through the air. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t know Adam. What shit?” she asks again, sterner. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He lolls his head back and groans, bringing his hand to cover his face. He screams and stomps to the sofa where he plops down. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The movie. It reminded me of everything Hannah and I had, of how we used to be. It was all there, it’s hard to not let yourself feel everything again,” he confesses. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“When I heard she was pregnant, something clicked. Like when she called me with that stupid fucking haircut under her covers, all twitching. Like I needed to help her. No one else could except for me,” his words spill like torrential downpour. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I just had to realize that she didn’t need my help. She’s her own person and I’m my own person and we’re two different fucking people who just can’t be together.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s why I’m here. Maybe I should have realized that earlier, and then I wouldn’t have gone all fucking kazoo over here and nothing would be fucked up,” he mutters.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It’s so fucking hot in here.” He pulls his shirt off and Jessa rolls her eyes. Only Adam. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re such an idiot,” she walks over and sits next to him. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I fucked everything up.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Humming in agreement, she leans her head against his shoulder and brings her arm up to his neck, curling the soft hair at his shoulders. Somehow, in a completely absurd and convoluted way, knowing that Adam and Hannah have actually received closure makes her only slightly saner. That somehow, they both are free and the ghost of Hannah is not haunting their relationship any longer. That just maybe, Jessa might have a shot of being happy and loving freely. Her head swims with all these thoughts and possibilities and who is she to stand in her own path? The only one who’s been denying Jessa happiness has been Jessa herself, not Hannah. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She doesn’t want to run anymore. She doesn’t want to run from feeling like her love might suffocate her alive. From the fear that maybe, just maybe, Adam might walk away one day and not come back to her. From her half broken friendship with one of her closest and most dearest friends that she has always cherished. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can make it up to me,” she responds as she lays on the couch, dragging her feet to his lap. She wiggles her toes with a smirk. It’s not all okay, they both know that. But it will be. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What, are we doing foot stuff now?” he asks as he holds her foot in one hand and traces the sole with another. Adam brings it up to her mouth and places a kiss on her big toe before swallowing it and sucking on it, and Jessa lolls her head back and laughs. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>just look at what watching this show for adam driver has driven me - a pile of emotional mush that melts just remembering their first kiss at the wedding !!! im emo for them bye</p></blockquote></div></div>
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